Friday, March 09, 2007

Democrat, Republican, or Good ol' Boy?



Okay, here's the scenario. You are walking down a deserted street with your wife and your two small children.

Suddenly, an Islamic Terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife, and charges at you.

You are carrying a Glock 40-Cal. and you are an expert shot.

You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.

What do you do?

*********************************************************************


Democrat's Answer:

Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!

Does the man look poor? Or oppressed?

Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?

Could we run away?

What does my wife think?

What about the kids?

Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand? ;

What does the law say about this situation?

What do the European courts say about this situation?

Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it?

Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?

Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?

Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?

If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?

Should I call 9-1-1?

Why is this street so deserted?

We need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day and make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior.

This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for few a days and try to come to a consensus.

Perhaps if I just have a chat with his laughing friends in the background I can convince him to stop charging at me.

******************************************************************

Republican's Answer:

BANG!

******************************************************************


Good ol' Boy's Answer:

First of all, you wouldn't have a glock, you'd be totin' a Colt.

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click.....

(sounds of reloading).

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Oooh, got his friends as they pulled out their weapons too!

click

Daughter says: "Nice shooting, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips or Hollow Points?"

Son: "Can I shoot the next one?"

Wife: "You ain't taking that to the Taxidermist!"

*******************************************

And I've just added an eighth topic for my radio show - - - HAPPY FEET. You will be totally stunned at what I have to say about that!

Tune in tomorrow at 4 pm Pacific, 7 pm Eastern at Blog Talk Radio.

30 comments:

Tisha! said...

Islamic terrorist or not, that sucker is going to get it just for messing with my family!

mudkitty said...

Nope, if the liberal were carrying a gun, we'd go bang too.

So, not only have you got it wrong when it comes to liberals, DG, but you've got something else dangerously wrong. The only time extremists of any stripe will come at you and your family is on a plane.

On the street it aint gonna be no knife, believe me.

DG, if you and I were both caught up in a knife fight, or a gun battle, it is I who would have to worry about saving you, and not the other way around. Because these ideas are not only wrong-headed, they're dangerously naive.

Phil said...

Hi Doug,

I have to say, I love Tisha's answer.

You are carrying a Glock 40-Cal. and you are an expert shot.
Nope Doug I carry a Dirty Harry Special Smith & Wessons 44 Magnum and I am a crack shot hardly ever mis what I aim at.
You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?
Democrat's Answer: = Equals the Woosie Answer: Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!
As I pull my Smith & Wessons 44 Magnum out of my holster and aim it at him I am going to say at the same time Astalvista baby.
I have to admit I love the Good ol' Boy's Answer to the solution too.

mudkitty said...

I meant come at you with a knife...(sic)

So do the math - what are the odds that a muslim islamofascist is going to come at you, and your family, on the street, with a knife?

It wouldn't even register on the statistical map.

Phil said...

Hey mudkitty,

Yea but mudkitty, the liberals would only be carrying a .22 caliber BB rifle because they wouldn't want to harm the poor terrorist.

mudkitty said...

In other words, it's a ludicrous scenario.

Now I've been mugged at gun point. Talk to me. I've also been raped. Talk to me. I'll tell you what a liberal would do.

mudkitty said...

Come on now, Phil, you know the liberal wouldn't be carrying anything but his or her wits.

Phil said...

Hi mudkitty,

Please do tell. The suspense is killing me.

Phil said...

Where?

Debbie said...

Bang, BANG, BANG, BANG, BANG, BANG,

Is he dead yet? Reload.

Bang, Bang

I don't have a Glock, but do have a 9mm and 38 Special.

Debbie
Right Truth
http://www.righttruth.typepad.com

mudkitty said...

"Where?" That's actually funny.

Douglas V. Gibbs said...

MK, get a grip, of course an Islamic radical wouldn't come at your with a knife in the street - they hide behind women and children and fire rifles - - - the only folks I've come across coming at me with a knife in the street has been illegals trying to rip me off.

mudkitty said...

It's you're scenario, DG, not mudkitty's. It's the premise of your whole post.

Lex Luthor said...

Ahh.....I love the smell of gunsmoke in the morning!

gawfer said...

There she goes, Sucking the life out of yet another fun post.

It's comedy with a hint of truth Mud.

I'm sorry you've had to endure personal attacks; that's horrible. If you wanna share do, if not, don't. But don't attempt to shread Doug's posts "for the mere fun of it".

mudkitty said...

Gawker - don't attempt to lie about my motivations for posting on DGs site, or to even know anything about my motivations. The above quote is false folks. I've never ever said anything remotely like that...

You quoted something out of your own head, Gawfer, and then attributed it to me. I hope you're not a Christian, because you just bore false witness against me.

Lastly, this is DGs site, so please do not tell me what to do, and what not to do. I take my cues from DG around here. Get over yourself.

Yes, comedy, for it to be funny, has to have a hint of truth to it. This "humor" doesn't have any truth to it, and if it wasn't, sadly, derogatory, it would merely be a non sequitur.

gawfer said...

mudkitty said...
"You quoted something out of your own head, Gawfer, and then attributed it to me. I hope you're not a Christian, because you just bore false witness against me."

No I didn't, I quoted your previous post:

Muddkitty said...
"In other words, it's a ludicrous scenario.

Now I've been mugged at gun point. Talk to me. I've also been raped. Talk to me. I'll tell you what a liberal would do.

9:00 AM"

Yes, I am a Christian, and no false witness here mud, just an observation that indeed you do suck the life out of DG's posts.

I'm guessing, by your "emotional response" again, there is more going on than meets the eye, or you've gotten caught in another lie.

Whatever the case, Join the fun or be quiet. In other words, to quote you yet again, "Get over yourself."

mudkitty said...

Bull Pucky Gawfer - you're lying again - the false quote was "for the fun of it." That was the quote that you made up out of your head - a lie. I'm surprised that DG would let you get away with it, other than for the fact that it speaks for it self.

And if you label someone who objects to being lied about is "emotionalism" than you're ethics are non-existent, and you insight is infantile.

And yes, you have born false witness against me with that quote.

When you quote someone, you darn well better make sure you're being accurate.

Also, don't tell me what to do, who the heck do you think you are?

gawfer said...

Are you psycotic? I copied and pasted your comment from above! LOL!

Get a life... Please! And stop being so emotional!

Tom said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Jenn of the Jungle said...

Love that one Doug!

Kitty, this is a joke. I have gotten this via e-mail several times. Even a couple of libtard friends of mine were able to laugh about it. It's an obviously fictional scenario,but it is indeed based a bit on the general reaction of those with those particular political leanings.I mean for pete's sake the leftards in this country would form an exploratory commitee on exploratory comittee's.

Oh, and what is it with you throwing insults to those who've served. "Bull Pucky Gawfer" "Gawker". How rude. In fact Gawfer, summed it up quite well: "There she goes, Sucking the life out of yet another fun post.

It's comedy with a hint of truth Mud."

Spot on.

mudkitty said...

"For the fun of it" is a flat out lie, as G attributed it to MK. Flat out. If I ever wrote that, it didn't pertain to this column, and/or was completely taken out of context. G was only quoting himself.

And G, please stop being so emotional, really now. You go to the great extant to lie about me, by quoting me falsely, and now you are busted. Take that up with your...councilor.

But this is what rightwingers do to liberals, on a daily basis; instead of worrying about matters of life and death, war and peace, or studying history: especially military history, they spend their time lying about, or mis-characterizing, or misinterpreting, or deliberately misrepresenting, the liberal position in the first place. These are smears. Smears are Un-Christian from start to finish. That is why I am so confused about what it is rightwingers think they are trying to accomplish. War without end? Division within out own country?

Why should anyone come here to find out the liberal position, when anyone can go to a liberal website to find out the liberal position?

I don't come here to find out the liberal position. I AM a liberal. I already know what the liberal positions are. And you guys are heck-bent on getting it wrong.

The agenda here is to spin the liberal agenda into something ugly, rather than to speak for yourselves, and in terms of what you stand for, not against.

What? You stand for hating liberals? OK. What else ya got?

That is why, I want to interview you DG, for your own site. I asked you before if I could interview you (I'll give you full editing control) but you were non-committal.

Kind of a "turn the tables" thing.

Are you up for it? Is your audience?

gawfer said...

OK, let's clear this up Mudd.

"gawfer said...
There she goes, Sucking the life out of yet another fun post."

That was an obsevation not a quotation.

"It's comedy with a hint of truth Mud."

This is a totally true statement.

This is where the confusion entered I believe:
(I'm sorry you've had to endure personal attacks; that's horrible. If you wanna share do, if not, don't.)

This statement is a direct reference to your comment:
"Now I've been mugged at gun point. Talk to me. I've also been raped. Talk to me."

But don't attempt to shread Doug's posts "for the mere fun of it".

This again was an observation, not a quotation. I never lied nor bore false witness against you. Not my style.
So, I apologize if I offended you, blogs can sometimes do that. This is supposed to be fun.

mudkitty said...

G told me not to come here "for the fun of it. Go back and read all of his posts. That's the lie. I do not come here "for the mere fun of it." Although DG is a nice guy, and he and his wife are fun to talk to, and communicate with.

Who was quoting when G quoting when G wrote I come here to "shred DG's posts" (I'm quoting G here now) "for the mere fun of it?" G needs to stop pretending he doesn't know what I'm talking about. Its so unattractive when a man plays coy. Was he quoting himself? Why would he do that? No, he was implying, dishonestly, that I come here to "shred Doug's posts" "for the mere fun of it." False. a lie, goes to motive.

mudkitty said...

I would accept it as just an opinion, however perverse, and misguided, if he didn't put quotes around the phrase "merely for the fun of it." Leaving people to think, falsely, that I said or wrote that.

gawfer said...

Whatever mud. That wasn't "perverse" or "Misguided", that was merely a punctuation error. As you know from Jenn's blog, and Kris has recently pointed this out as well, my spelling and punctuation is quite questionable.

But if that is the standard in which you expect, I'll try to do better. I certainly don't want to offend your sensibilities.

But I still think you find great enjoyment poking holes in Doug's posts, "for the mere fun of it".

mudkitty said...

You can think what ever the heck you want to think. This is America, after all. Just don't quote me falsely. Don't put words in my mouth. You wouldn't like it if the shoe were on the other foot.

Proletariat said...

Real Christian.

Proletariat

Douglas V. Gibbs said...

This is a joke I was sent to me by e-mail, and I thought it was funny. Jenn pointed that out. Everybody got the joke except for a couple people. Rather than get all butt-hurt over a joke, my friends, let's see it for what it is, a joke loosely based on shreds of truth. If the description of the left in the joke upsets you so much, MK, maybe deep down you have a conservative trying to break free, but you just keep strangling her and holding her back. You know, you don't have to be faith based to recognize the importants of fundamental values in our society and political climate. Proletariat, this wasn't meant to be "Real Christian". It's a joke. I know you are not a Liberal, but sometimes you act like one. Take a deep breath, sigh, and recognize this as for what it is, a joke. Ha ha, funny funny, laugh it up, or shake your head. But please, don't take every little piece of writing apart like it is gospel. I was trying to have fun here, throwing a few balloons into the party, and you guys pulled out a bunch of stick pins and deflated the whole thing. Get a grip, and laugh a little. And if you don't find it funny, shake your head, and go on to the next post.

mudkitty said...

Come on. I'm just asking you to raise your game.