Monday, March 26, 2012

Full Frontal Gingrich

by JASmius

Yeah, Jeff Zeleny's a fellating Obama fanboy who richly deserved to be cursed out to his messianic-bodily-fluid-encrusted face by one of his Republican targets. But try as I might, I just can't watch Rick Santorum delivering the profane smackdown without getting the giggles:


C'mon, folks, even Santorumoids have to admit that Cap'n Sweatervest trying to sound like a badass is like casting Mr. Whipple to play Darth Sidious. I picture Barbara Billingsly circa 1960 barreling in from the side door, boxing RS's ears, and shoving a bar of soap into his mouth.

It was, in a word, contrived. Having witnessed the poll bumps Newt Gingrich received earlier in the campaign from his public takedowns of Obamedia propagandists-cum-debate moderators, I think the ex-senator was looking for an opportunity to do the ex-Speaker one better by dropping in an s-bomb for good measure. Pity he didn't bother to notice where Newt is in the race now; it might have saved him from several days of sitting in the corner.

Speaking of BS.....


My friend Doug Gibbs floated the idea of Santorum as Romney's veep last Saturday. When I retorted that the extraordinary rancor of this primary campaign made such a notion highly unlikely, he cited Ronald Reagan's decision to offer his 1980 rival, George H.W. Bush, the #2 spot on his ticket. I allowed as how there was a little food for thought in the idea - mainly in the symbolism of even the most bitterly, mutually antogonistic Pachyderms closing ranks to complete the mission of saving the country from Red Barry.

But upon the the most rudimentary periods of reflection, the idea still makes little, if any, sense. Eeyore counts the ways:

I'm trying to imagine any circumstance in which Romney passes on Rubio and Paul Ryan and Christie and Jindal and Daniels and Bob McDonnell and Susana Martinez and Nikki Haley to choose a guy who (a) lost his swing-state Senate seat by nearly twenty points, (b) has spent weeks hammering the message that Romney's waaaay too much like Barack Obama where it counts, and (c) is guaranteed to get the campaign sidetracked on "values" issues while Romney desperately tries to stay on his economic narrative.

Put another way, whatever Wally Cleaver would bring to a Romney ticket can be gotten much easier, and in much greater quantity, elsewhere, and without all the accompanying, excruciating, credibility-sucking awkwardness.

Besides, Newt says he's interested, too. Makes me wonder if he lost a bet or something.

Meanwhile, another Tea Party icon has hopped on the Mitt bandwagon. No matter how much tighty-righties are loath to admit it, it really is just a matter of time.

And that's no BS, Rick.

[cross-posted @ Hard Starboard]

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