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Tuesday, December 22, 2015

Donald Trump, The Schlong Of American Politics

by JASmius



Ladies and gentlemen, the President of the United States:



Ooops, my apologies.  But you can understand how easy a mistake that is to make:

“Even a race to Obama, [Hillary Clinton] was gonna beat Obama. I don’t know who would be worse, I don’t know, how could it be worse?” [Donald Trump] told the crowd. “She was favored to win and she got schlonged, she lost, I mean she lost,” he told the crowd.

Also fucked, screwed, laid, diddled, pushed, plowed, humped, cut, banged, poked, battered, whammed, beef-injected, vitamin-F'd, wick-dipped, salami-hidden, pipe-laid, rocket-polished, hog-squatted, pole-polished, quickied, noonered, matineed, cookie-popped, nut-busted, off-rocks-gotten, and banana-creamed.  Gotta give Trump credit, though, as even George Carlin didn't have "schlonged" on the "incomplete list of impolite words".

And I gotta take that credit back for generating that horrifying mental picture, even if it is only metaphorical.

“But I watched her the other night, it was hard, it was really hard because there were a lot of other things on better, including reading books and reading financial papers which I actually enjoy reading.”

The GOP co-frontrunner also attacked [Mrs.] Clinton for taking a bathroom break during the most recent Democrat debate.

“I know where she went, it’s disgusting, I don’t want to talk about it. No, it’s too disgusting. Don’t say it, it’s disgusting, let’s not talk, we want to be very, very straight up. But I thought that, wasn’t that a weird deal,” Trump said.



"I'm going to bring it up and spend the next ten minutes cryptically describing how it merited a SuperFund site designation and then admonishing you for talking about how the Empress crapped, turded, shat, dingleberried, pissed, piddled, leaked, munged, cheesed, laid some cable, pinched a loaf, and dropped a royal load.  And then I'll ask you if you noticed some toilet paper stuck to the bottom of her Wolverine steel-toed boots or fluttering out of the back of her pantsuit like the tail of a spermatozoa."

Now heaven knows we've had some juvenile POTUS's over the past 239 years.  JFK and Bill Clinton banged young interns, FDR smoked like an industrial furnace, and LBJ regularly gave his Secret Service detail impromptu golden showers (which is doubtless where the term "johnson" came from - and that somehow didn't make it onto Carlin's list either).  Funny how they're all Democrats, isn't it?

But what none of them did is engage in this puerile behavior on the campaign trail in front of crowds and rallies and on television.

But Trump does, and it'll probably boost him in the polls - a boost he could use at the moment - at the same time that it defibrillates, with nakedly contrived, club-over-the-head subtlety, the "War on Women" gimmick that everybody knows the Ugly Dutchess is going to be riding like Ron Turcotte at the Belmont Stakes, and for which Trump is quite deliberately making himself the perfect foil.

Almost as if the Rodham-Trump matchup is as choreographed - and predetermined - as a professional wrestling match.

Which it is.

How about we just dub her "Mother Strapalonian" and be done with it?  Please?

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