Friday, March 18, 2016


By Allan McNew

Harry Reid says that it was a gym accident that broke his ribs and crushed his right eye socket, but it is said by reliable sources that Reid got too close to the wrong feet in a wife swapping foot fetish
club and got his ass kicked. Harry Reid has led an interesting, some would say troubling, life.

Born in 1939 in the Silver State with a silver spoon in his mouth, Reid had every luxury as a child. This was accomplished by the family owning the town of Searchlight, Nevada and everyone in it.

The downtrodden immigrants who worked sixteen hours a day, seven days a week in the Reid family owned mines were paid in scrip redeemable only in the company operated store. Some of the prettier girls in the immigrant families were forced to work as prostitutes in the family owned brothel. The company provided workers with housing which were little more than four walled shacks with gaps between the boards, no running water and the only fuel for heating and cooking with the pot bellied stove was scavenged creosote brush. The great outdoors was the communal toilet.

By contrast, the Reid mansion had every modern convenience.

Reid's childhood education, and his exposure to the outside world, began with going to an upper crust boarding school away from Searchlight. He was nearly expelled after several stink bomb incidents.

After graduating from Harvard with degrees in law, business and theatric production, Reid wasn't sure what to do with his life and drifted into the 1960's counterculture, which included living in a nudist oriented, free love commune. His heroes became Timothy Leary, Abby Hoffman and Jane Fonda, whose influences were accompanied by Jefferson Airplane, Buffalo Springfield, Jimi Hendrix, and Stills, Crosby, Nash and Young along with LSD and Marijuana.

His life took a disturbing turn when Reid was introduced to Bill Ayers. While his association with the Weather Underground is murky, it is rumored that his childhood fascination with explosives, rooted in the family mining business, was expanded into proficient bomb making. It is said that “Fritz the Cat” was loosely based on his lost years during the 60's, especially the “revolution” part of the animated film.

Growing out of the counterculture and rediscovering the joy of regularly bathing, Reid sought political enlightenment as well as political office. He traveled to Cuba to study economics with Jose Angel Gutierrez, founder of Partido Nacional de La Raza Unida in Chrystal, Texas, and consulted with Georges Marchais, Secretary General of the Parti Communiste Francaise in France.

Reid's progression through various local and state offices before being elected to the House of Representatives in 1982 was fraught with controversy of various types. In 1981, Reid was going out to the desert to a good place for blowing some stuff up for fun but was too drunk to drive as well as too drunk to properly stow his home made bombs in the vehicle, accidentally leaving one on the roof while his wife was waiting in the driver's seat. As they drove down the road, the bomb slid off the
roof and fell onto the road right in front of a Nevada Highway Patrol officer staking out a radar speed trap. Reid and his wife were arrested and taken to jail with Reid yelling all the way, “DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?”. Whether or not the officer knew who Harry Reid was, his superior officer did. The Reids were given a ride back to their home, the car was retrieved from impound, detailed and delivered to the Reid residence, and Reid was given back his bombs.

Having vacationed several times in Utah, Reid became curious about the Mormon religion. Perhaps thinking there was something in it for him, he converted to Mormonism and promptly proceeded to secretly marry, over a couple of years, five women in addition to his first and primary wife. It must have been a mixed experience, because Reid is quoted as saying “You just can't have more than one woman under one roof. There's the pecking order drama, what TV show are we watching at what time, the honey do list is a killer, what are we eating and who's turn is it to cook and wash the dishes, and they all start cycling at the same time. Your life becomes a living hell one week out of every month in addition to all the drama crap the rest of the month, and where the hell are you supposed to keep all those god damned shoes?”. It is said that Reid is spending a fortune maintaining 6 residences under a Las Vegas business front in as many Nevada counties, in addition to the expense of living
part time in Washington DC.

Reid eschews the Mormon long john undies, says it gives him a rash.

Reid once approached Donald Trump with a proposed business partnership building casinos, hotels and golf courses in Nevada using his government connections and imminent domain, but abandoned the idea when it became clear that Trump's, not Reid's, name was to be prominently plastered on each and every finished project. It so permanently tightened Reid's jaw that whenever he gets frustrated over anything at all, Reid throws darts at pictures of Trump's face.

With Reid's career winding down and destined to retire early next year, Harry's disposition with everything not to do with Trump has become sunny and sweet. He always has nice things to say about his Republican colleagues and has ceased his former hobby of kicking dogs and throwing
bricks at cats. He even tips now.

-- Political Pistachio Conservative News and Commentary

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