By Independent Correspondent Marvin J. Finklewitz, Jr.
Special to the Political Pistachio
This morning Hillary Clinton held a free forum panel discussion of race
and racism with Maya Wiley of the Center for Social Inclusion, the anti
racism activist and writer Tim Wise and Al Sharpton, who represented
Clinton's solar powered microphone declined to work indoors until a
stagehand got a big beam flash light and rigged it to stay focused on
the solar collector.
Hillary kicked it off with the usual salutations, then described her
childhood of being adopted by a poor black family and growing up in a
rickety old shack with only a spider infested outhouse for after dining
necessities. Every morning she selflessly burned some newspaper in the
seat hole of the outhouse to kill the spiders lurking there, then
cheerfully split some wood for the kitchen stove and lovingly cooked
breakfast for the family.
However, one Sunday afternoon when she was about 6 years old, she saw a
black woman riding in the back of a pickup truck while there was a dog
riding in the front seat with it's head sticking out the window, lips
and tongue flapping in the wind. Hillary knew that was just plain wrong.
Hillary decided she was going to do something about that, so she found
out where the man lived and fixed him by sneaking over one night, then
shaved his dogs and moved his outhouse BEHIND the nether pit. She later
found out that the woman, who was married to the driver of the truck,
was riding in the back of the truck on the way home from church because
she was steamed that her husband got a little too chatty with some bimbo
who sang in the choir – she wasn't going to ride in the front with him
but she WAS going to make that black man's life a living hell the moment
they got home. And, the woman fell into the outhouse pit the night
Hillary moved it back. The husband and some neighbors set up a tripod
rigged with a chain hoist and a snub rope working “off and on” to get
her out of the hole the next morning.
Hillary made the point of the story that white privilege caused it all,
that white people need to be aware of and adjust their white privilege
and concluded her story by saying that if it weren't for white privilege
she, not Barack Obama, would have occupied the White House in 2009.
Wise stared at her in confusion while Wiley and Sharpton glanced at each
other and stared at her too.
Wise said, “What do you mean by that?” Hillary replied “White privilege,
that problem you have you get paid big bucks to tell rich, white campus
progressives about”. Wise asked “What do you mean, my problem? You're
drowning in white privilege! And how about releasing your Wall Street
speeches you got paid big bucks to do?” Hillary shouted back “It's you
that has white privilege!” The exchange descended into circular rounds
of “It's you that has white privilege” “No, it's you!” with all sorts
of arm waving and gesticulations.
Wiley got in the middle of it with “Knock off the cultural
appropriation, you damned crackers!” with Sharpton getting worked up in
the background while Clinton, Wise and Wiley were shouting at each
Sharpton lost it, snatched a large frame Margaret Sanger print off the
wall and knocked over the “This is going to the White House” talking
pudendum mock-up with it, all the while yelling “We gotta off some
crackers, plenty of crackers walking around here tonight!”
Clinton retaliated by throwing a bust of Harriet Tubman to the floor,
and Wise launched into an incoherent rant about David Duke and the 1992
presidential election. Wiley yelled “We need emotional issues, not
facts!” while yanking the Cesar Chavez curtain off the wall and throwing
it into the crowd.
The situation was headed toward the far side of ugly with the crowd
yelling “No se puede! No se puede!” and a looped recording came on over
the intercom of Rodney King saying “Can't we all just get along? Can't
we all just get along? Can't we all just get along?...”
The fire control system malfunctioned about then with a torrential
downpour and the race and racism open forum discussion ended. It also
ruined the post discussion “chitlin's 'n fried okra” themed finger food
buffet that Clinton personally set up.
Satire by Allan McNew