Tuesday, May 03, 2016

Trump: Ted Cruz Shot JFK

by JASmius

Actually, Ted Cruz's father, who, according to the Trump "paper of record," used his super-secret telekinetic ability to keep Erik Lehnsherr/Magneto from "bending" the bullet Raven Darkholme/Mystique (who was impersonating Lee Harvey Oswald at the time) fired at JFK from the Dallas Book Repository away from President Kennedy in Dealey Plaza.  Lehnsherr was on the grassy knoll....

....trying to save the thirty-fifth POTUS because he believed Kennedy to be a mutant, and Rafael Cruz/"Devilspawner" (right, John Boehner?) stood on the sweaty armpit....

....trying to ensure that he had his head blown off for a nefarious purpose that ONLY DONALD TRUMP deduced and is managing to avert in the nick of time.

The elder Cruz, you see, wanted Kennedy to die because (1) he was a bigger mutantphobe than Bolivar Trask and William Stryker put together, and (2) he planned to finish the job Sebastian Shaw started in the previous movie by having a son who would be a Goldman Sachs globalist establishment Canadian mountie poodle disguised as a constitutional conservative Tea Party warrior who would get himself elected the forty-fifth POTUS and then allow the Canadian army to roll across the northern border and transmogrify all of us into cheesers and hosers, preparatory to nuking the planet, killing all humans and leaving mutants to build and rule a new world from the ashes.

Here's Ted Cruz when he's not wearing his "costume".....

I'm guessing the NE went with this version because they weren't creative enough to come up with a plausible or even entertaining time travel-based smear of the Texas senator.

Not that that matters much to President Tabloid, as he doesn't bother with the details of anything.  He just "wings it," remember?:

“His father was with Lee Harvey Oswald prior to Oswald’s being — you know, shot. I mean, the whole thing is ridiculous,” Trump said Tuesday during a phone interview with Fox Trump News. “What is this, right prior to his being shot, and nobody even brings it up. They don’t even talk about that. That was reported, and nobody talks about it.”

“I mean, what was he doing — what was he doing with Lee Harvey Oswald shortly before the death? Before the shooting?” Trump continued. “It’s horrible.”

It's also bullshit.  But as Allahpundit points out, Trumplicans swallow bullshit, traffic in bullshit, revel in bullshit, swim laps in bullshit, are a veritable political coprophagia bridgade, so why wouldn't the septic tank of "journalism" (to whose depths Fox News has sunk by not challenging this nonsense) be the main pipeline through which Il Douche would feed them?

Out of a seventeen candidate field, this is who forty percent of "Republican" voters have chosen to foist on the other sixty percent: King Bullshit.  Not to mention to have possession of the nuclear launch codes.

Jim Geraghty asks in today's Morning Jolt e-newsletter:

Where are the Republican elected officials willing to say, “This is stupid”? This is a stupid argument from a stupid man, too stupid to support, too stupid to serve as commander-in-chief and the leader of the free world. And if you believe that Ted Cruz’s father was tied to the assassination of John F. Kennedy, in the absence of any corroborating evidence, you’re stupid, too.

This is the "smart movement," ladies and gentlemen.  Trump just left a word out of that label....

When I shortly become, for the first time in my voting life, a conservative independent, none dare wonder why.

UPDATE: More JASmius Echo Syndrome: "We are looking, potentially, at the Biff Tannen presidency."

Which makes it as good a time as any for a stroll down memory lane....

The Establishment's only hope: Trump & me in a cage match.

Sorry to disappoint -- @realDonaldTrump is terrific. 

And "amoral, a pathological liar, and a narcissist like this country’s never seen"....

....all of which is true.  But in a way this Pachyderm-killing asteroid strike can be seen as a case of "what goes around, comes around".  Recall, one and all, that it was Ted Cruz who drummed up all this raging "populist" anger in the first place going all the way back to the Defundageddon/government shutdown showdown fiasco in the fall of 2013.  Hell, just last summer he ball-shot Senator Majority Leader Mitch McConnell by calling him a liar on the Senate floor itself (for which Trump subsequently called him a "crazy loose cannon," with a perfectly straight face).  And he back-drafted in Trump's wake all last fall, bromancing him in the expectation that his cultists would come to their senses, see reason, and see him as their natural home.

Guess the joke was on TrusTed.

Pity it's on the rest of us who knew better all along as well.

UPDATE: I clean forgot to mention the OTHER bombshell tabloid-ish story that erupted late last week:

Presidential frontrunner Donald Trump is fighting what could be the biggest election season bombshell yet — explosive court claims that he raped a woman when she was a teen.

The woman — identified as Katie Johnson — filed documents in a California court on April 26th, accusing Trump and billionaire pedophile Jeffrey Epstein of “sexual abuse under threat of harm” and “conspiracy to deprive civil rights,” RadarOnline.com has exclusively learned.

She filed the lawsuit herself — without legal representation — and is suing for $100 million.

Trump told Radar moments ago: “The allegations are not only categorically false, but disgusting at the highest level and clearly framed to solicit media attention or, perhaps, are simply politically motivated. There is absolutely no merit to these allegations. Period.”

I believe the proper response is something like, "“He was with Jeffrey Epstein prior to Katie Johnson's being — you know, raped. I mean, the whole thing is ridiculous. What is this, right prior to her being raped, and nobody even brings it up. They don’t even talk about that. That was reported, and nobody talks about it.  I mean, what was he doing — what was he doing with Jeffery Epstein shortly before the rape?  Before the rape?  It’s horrible."

It's also undoubtedly bullshit as well.  Which was why nobody brought it up.  Pity Trump can't exercise the same sane courtesy.

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