Thursday, June 09, 2016


Satire by Allan McNew

According to reliable sources within the State Department there has been an intensive study, pushing aside such important research projects like why primates prefer Micky's Big Mouth to Keystone in general or specifically what causes bonobos to be so obsessively promiscuous (they suspect beer could be a causal factor but need a larger population sample and another $250 million to reach a plausible hypothesis), explaining why Islamic terrorist leaders don't set an example by doing suicide bombing missions themselves. It has to do with the 72 virgins.

You'd think that they'd be all out to die in Islamic glory to spend the rest of eternity engaging in non stop carnal delight by standing on a ridge beating a trash can lid with an AK47 while yelling things like "Yo mama wears a see through burka! Come get me, you cuckold infidel bastards!!!". But, they hide in caves ("pre Obama") or stroll around in plain site in places like Raqqa (post Bush) churning out fatwas and producing snuff videos while their minions do the dying.

But the reason they don't rush like lemmings to posthumous erotic reward:

The 72 virgins in Paradise are identical alternative lifestyle enthusiasts somewhat resembling a cross between Sasquatch and Ron Jeremy, and every one of them is an energetic believer in the admonition "It is better to give than receive", as in "Git back here! I'm not done with you yet!!".

Suicide missions are for useful idiots who didn't get the inside scoop.

-- Political Pistachio Conservative News and Commentary

No comments: