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Saturday, June 18, 2016

THE TRUMP TOWER 'O FUN, SO-CAL

“I don't understand Spanish...”

Satire by Allan McNew

It had been a while since Donald Trump oversaw the Spotlight 29 Casino in the Coachella Valley of California, so he decided on a fun business venture at El Campo, east of San Diego.

For maybe a week and a half, there was a flurry of activity at the site, eventually resulting in a bungee jumping tower, which came in early and under budget, with a ticket booth at the entrance next to a walk up food shack specializing in taco bowls. Trump christened the completed project “The Trump Tower o' Fun”, which was emblazoned in giant letters on all four sides of the tower from top to bottom. There was a promotional giveaway of a free taco bowl for the first 500 ticket holders.

The first day the attraction opened, Donald Trump and Corey Lewandowski stood on top and watched the crowd filter in the gate. After they were there for about an hour with the crowd looking up but no one exchanging tickets for a jump, Trump and Lewandowski conferred and concluded that the crowd must not understand what bungee jumping was all about. Trump volunteered to demonstrate for the crowd.

Lewandoski fastened the cord around Trump's ankles, and Trump soared into space like a cliff diver, tie fluttering in the wind while his hair, helmet like, stayed to form.

After a while, Trump returned to the top of the tower, bruised on one side of his face. Trump remained silent while Lewandowski reattached the cord to Trump's ankle and carefully shortened the cord so Trump would be sure to not hit the ground. As before, Trump leaped from the precipice.

Again, Trump silently returned to the top, whereupon Lewandowski noticed that Trump now had a cut under his eye as well as a split lip in addition to the bruise on his cheek. Since the boss didn't say anything, Lewandowski silently refastened the cord around Trump's ankles and again shortened the bungee cord, whereupon Trump, with a mighty cry, exited the tower.

When Trump reascended the tower, Lewandowski saw that Trump's suit was shredded, he was bleeding through his clothing as well as also having a broken nose and a torn ear. His eyes were blackened, which strangely made him look like an orange raccoon. His hair was perfectly coiffed, with the customary frontal ledge shading his eyes.

Lewandowski was aghast and, losing his composure, plaintively cried “What happened?” Trump replied “I just want to know two things. Why was Jorge Ramos in the ticket booth, and what the hell is a pinata?”

-- Political Pistachio Conservative News and Commentary

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