US Army To Soldiers: Don't Say "Christmas"

by JASmius

Remember George Carlin's "Seven Words You Can Never Say On Television"?





Now the Obarmy has one.  And I may be wrong about this, but I don't think there's very much overlap between the two lists:

A military diversity training officer instructed a group of U.S. soldiers at Camp Shelby, Mississippi, not to use the word "Christmas," Fox News columnist Todd Starnes reported Tuesday.

I don't know if this MDTO told them this, er, orally, or if she just passed around a list with "Christmas" on it.  Which may have prompted one or more of the soldiers present to pipe up with "Excuse me, m'am, but you left out 'merry,'" probably getting that poor sad sack cashiered for both insubordination and referring to her as "m'am".  The Reuters story doesn't go into any of these details, showing how little they understand about journalism.

Starnes says he was contacted by an unidentified soldier at the camp about an incident two weeks ago. The soldier said members of the 158th Infantry Brigade were holding a meeting to organize an annual Christmas football tournament when an official with the Defense Equal Opportunity Management Institute told them they were to use the term "holiday tournament" instead.

"Defense Equal Opportunity Management Institute"?  There actually is one of these?  Let me guess: it's name used to be "Army War College," right?  And they really, truly, actually, no-foolin' have nothing better to do, I mean, it really, truly, actually, seriously is their anointed mission in life to spy on soldiers in their off-duty hours and swoop in on Christmas utterance busts?  This sounds like a Family Guy bit.  Like, every guy in that room should have busted out in Bing Crosby's croon with "Have your self, a merry little CHRISTMAS....," or thrown on turbans and ZZ Top beards and started chanting, "Jehovahu CHRISTMAS!"  I think Seth McFarland might actually be sellable on this one.

"Almost the entire room blew up," the soldier said. "Everybody was frustrated. The equal-opportunity rep told our commander that not everyone celebrates Christmas and we couldn't say Christmas celebration. It had to be holiday celebration."

Well, not everyone celebrates "scissoring" and "brown trout fishing," but it sure seems like everyone has to celebrate them anyway.

I wonder if "almost the entire room blew up" equivalentized this:





They're organizing their [BLEEP]ing annual unit Christmas football tournament, and now their use of the C-word has caused an international incident?  A grave evisceration of military protocol?  They're required to worship a big-eared golden clay onesied calf but making reference to a holiday that Americans have been celebrating since the birth of the Old Republic is a court martial offense?  Well, sorry, Miss Grundy, but this is Christmas, it's called Christmas, and we like Christmas and calling it Christmas, and you know what else?  YOU like Christmas, too.  And you're going to call it Christmas  Yes, you are.  In fact, by the time we're finished with you, you're gonna be singing the Doxology out your A&E hole.  Do we make ourselves clear?!?

BTW, the other six new dirty words are Jesus, Christ, God, Jehovah, Messiah, and White.

Exit quote from Michael Berry, Liberty Institute attorney:

"They're treating Christmas like it's pornography. As a matter of fact, the Army actually treats pornography better than it does Christmas," Berry said.

"Psssst - hey kid.  Come over here.  Yeah, you.  Wanna see a Bible?  Yeah, a Bible.  I've got the New American Standard Version.  Yeah, the one with the "Between The Testaments" insert.  It's so hot...."