Now that my wife is 50, and I'm not there yet, I have been teasing her about her age. Then, this morning, as she was going through the mail, I had an even hardier laugh over what she got in the mail addressed to her. Then, after writing about her joy of three pieces of particular junk mail, I just got on a roll.
Enjoy:
My wife is complaining to me. She just turned fifty, and yesterday in the mail she got three pieces of junk mail from funeral homes.
As I have gotten older, it has gotten more difficult to read small printing. At first, I just moved the page I was trying to read away from my face. Eventually, I ran out of arm, and had to break down and admit I either needed reading glasses, or someone younger to read my mail for me.
I used to be an athlete with feet that never stopped moving. I ran long distance races with those feet. I was a stud in the U.S. Navy, using my feet to get me where I needed to go to perform my duties. After my military service, my feet lead me in a number of foot races, walk-a-thons, and mud runs. Then, I hurt my ankle, refused to change my eating habits, and got older. Now, when I look down, I can't see my feet anymore.
I used to be a runner. Now, the most I run, is to the refrigerator.
When I tell people I have six grandchildren, they tell me I don't look old enough to have grandchildren. They haven't seen me without a shirt.
The good news is that most food places are preparing to give us senior citizen discounts. The bad news is the morticians keep following us around with measuring tapes.
I used to hardly care. Now, I can hardly hear, so it doesn't matter if I care.
One thing I have realized as I have gotten older is that gravity sucks.
Now that I am older, for some reason my friends keep telling me, "Don't go towards the light."
-- Political Pistachio News and Commentary
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