Arby's Takes A Heroic Stand For Meat

by JASmius



After a long blogging day and two first-hour blue screen crashes during today's podcast, a well-earned carnivore palate cleanser.  Because, bacon.

First, the latest Arby's commercial, featuring brown-sugar meat candy:



Second, the militant vegans' outraged response:

Vegetarians have voiced their discontent via e-mails and tweets, naturally.

It’s not hard to imagine some nascent campaign to get Arby’s to drop its “offensive” slogan for “othering” those who don’t enjoy bacon. It’s not terribly hard to imagine the national media treating such a campaign semi-seriously, and some cowardly corporation caving to faux pressure....

Arby’s took a different tack, nipping any complaint from the perpetually aggrieved in the bud by responding with a bit of good-natured mockery also tailored to ingratiate it even further with the meat lovers of the world. Arby’s response? A help line for tempted vegetarians who might feel pangs of regret in the wake of the brown sugar bacon announcement.

Third, well, Arby's response to the militant vegans:

Dear Vegetarians:

We respect you. We respect your life decisions. With that in mind, we want it to be abundantly clear that this letter is not meant to sway or convert you. We’re sharing this to offer our support.

Nearly a year ago, we embarked on a journey to tell America about our meats. By now, you’ve likely heard the Arby’s tagline: We Have The Meats®. It’s tough to hear, but it is what it is. We have many meats. And we have quality meats.

It is understandable that you disapprove of our meat-bravado. Your voices have been heard. Letters, emails, voicemails, Tweets and Facebook comments – we hear you. We love our meats, but realize they’re not for everyone.

Then on Sunday, June 28th, we launched a meat innovation that has likely tempted you: Brown Sugar Bacon.

It’s our pepper bacon, glazed in-restaurant with brown sugar and then cooked to perfection. It may be hard to resist…even for you. Hardcore vegetarians likely won’t budge, but for those of you who are on the fringe or new to the game, avoidance can’t be easy.

We, at Arby’s, have created this temptation. So, we’d like to help.

We’re giving you a number to call: 1-855-MEAT-HLP. This is a Vegetarian Support Hotline. When your nose betrays you and alerts the rest of your senses to find and devour this sweet meat, please call 1-855-MEAT-HLP. You will receive the support you need to resist this gateway meat and get tips on how to avoid temptation. Delicious. Sizzling. Temptation.

Be strong. We’re here for you.

Sincerely,

Arby’s

P.S.: And bleep you, vegans.  With bacon.  Lots of bacon.  Brown sugar bacon.  Lots and lots of BROWN SUGAR BACON.  A mouth-watering protein infusion without which nothing will cure your gaunt scrawniness and sallow, hollow-cheeked, washed-out complexions.

And P.P.S: BACON!!!



Bon appetit.