Since the Empress doesn't need his SuperDuperDelegate Donk convention vote at this point, SS can start serving his time, in the words of Bugs Bunny, "a little oily":
For two decades, Sheldon Silver served as one of the most powerful men in New York State. On Tuesday, a judge ordered he serve the next twelve years in prison.
The allegedly adulterous ex-State Assembly Speaker, convicted of twin corruption schemes that earned him $4 million, was slammed by Manhattan Federal Court Judge Valerie Caproni as being one of the most corrupt elected officials the State has ever seen.
Or, in other words, just another Democrat.
“None involve an official as high up in New York government as you were,” she said, reflecting on other convicted pols.
“None, as far as I can tell, yielded nearly as much in ill gotten gains or lasted nearly as long,” she said.
You won't be seeing the Ugly Dutchess anywhere in Sheldon's vicinity any time soon. Which is a shame, because the optics of his showing up at the First Union Center in orange jumpsuit, handcuffs, legirons, and chains to cast his SuperDuperDelegate vote for her to put her over the top for the Democrat nomination would have been downright historic, to say nothing of setting the proper tone for her administration after she wins going away this November.
Larry Jay Levine, the founder of Wall Street Prison Consultants, had some advice for SS some sixteen months ago when he was first "taken into custody":
Brush up on bathroom cleaning.
“The system likes to treat [politicians] like shit,” Mr. Levine said. “When [the prison guards] get a politician in a federal prison, they like to demean them.”
Their weapon of choice? “They’ll give him shitty jobs,” Mr. Levine continued, like cleaning toilets, cleaning showers, mopping floors, peeling potatoes, or cleaning pots and pans.
Mr. Levine also noted that every prison has a secret black market economy, wherein inmates illegally exchange goods and services.
“[A politician like Mr. Silver] may shine shoes to get money to buy commissary items,” Mr. Levine said. “He [could] go from being a high-powered politician to a shoe-shine boy for Latin drug traffickers.”
Ouch.
Be nice to your fellow inmates.
It’s not just the guards who hate politicians — it’s other inmates, too.
Should Mr. Silver go to prison, Mr. Levine predicts that some inmates might try to befriend him, thinking “maybe he could do something for them.”
But “other people will treat him like shit,” Mr. Levine continued. “If he’s disrespectful to people, somebody could take a sock, and put two or three bars of soap in that sock, and they swing that around and they smash you over the head with it.”
Mr. Levine suggests that Mr. Silver, an observant Jew, make friends with fellow Jews. “The Jewish inmates will probably take him under their wing,” he hypothesized. “I would bet on that.”
It's a whole new world to which ol' Sheldon is shoving off, isn't it? If only the old puffgut were ever going to be keeping him company at any point.
One other piece of obligatory advice for the former New York Assembly Speaker: Don't drop the soap. With which, you know, you get clubbed over the head.
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