Author’s note: Reliable, anonymous sources have informed me that some readers believe I make things up. I assure the readers my journalistic standards far exceed those of The Washington Post and New York Times.
Editor's Note: Warning! You have to have a sense of humor to get the jokes. Hard Left Anti-Constitution Democrats need not apply. If this piece was published on the CNN or MSNBC sites the audience would believe every word of it, and claim it was all proof that Biden and gang were doing great things. At this point I wish I had the giant gong from The Gong Show.
President Biden believes Russian President Putin doesn’t respect him. In order to send an unmistakable message to the world while one upping Putin, Biden took a photographer with him to the zoo and set up a shoot where the President stood in front of the glass at the lion enclosure with his shirt off. White house staff posted a picture of Biden standing tall with two male lions behind him all over social media. It had a faint mirror image of the photographer and secret service personnel.
Biden’s colonoscopy found a cache of dog whistles in his colon. Twitter exploded with speculation that the President was trying to blow one of them the times he gassed members of British Royalty along with associated British dignitaries, the Pope and Pennsylvania Governor Tom Wolf.
There’s a dance craze spreading among the President’s Executive Departments as well as his cabinet. One is the Psaki Dodge Dance, which is built around side stepping and spinning. The other is imported from California – the Gavin Newsom Media Tap Dance.
In a major bid to let small restaurants nationwide know the White House and Biden Administration sympathize with them during the current rip roaring economy, Biden and Harris salt and pepper shakers have been shipped to eateries all over the country. However, every last set has been proven to be defective. No matter how much salt is poured into the Biden shaker it is empty whenever customers try to use it. The Harris shaker keeps disappearing only to be found in obscure, out of the way places. In an experiment it stayed in place next to a Tabasco bottle as long as someone watched it, but vanished immediately whenever set next to the Mexican hot sauce Tapatio. There is speculation is it has something to do with the Mexican border.
When the President went to the Middle East to beg Salman bin Abdulaziz Al Saud, King of Saudi Arabia, to pump more oil in order to reduce prices in the United States, Biden bent forward to kiss the King’s hand. Looking around the room, the King motioned Biden to follow him to the back of the room. Looking around again, the King pulled a curtain for privacy. When the incident leaked out, Twitter went wild with speculation about what happened behind the curtain. The only verifiable facts since are the Saudis aren’t increasing production and Biden’s been walking funny ever since.
The White House has been objecting to a meme going around the internet which depicts President Biden with a Stalin mustache and wearing a t-shirt with a hammer and sickle print on the front with the lable “Uncle Joe” underneath, a back handed reference to President Franklin Roosevelt affectionately calling Soviet dictator Joseph Stalin “Uncle Joe” during WWII with the suggestion that President Biden is a communist dictator. Stalin was famous for political purges and dissident witch hunts of all kinds complete with show trials culminating in executions and imprisonment in the Gulag. Since the meme appeared, the White House has been in constant contact with Attorney General Merrick Garland and the FBI has enlarged its presence at the FISA Court.
In a move which proves that Kamala Harris is Presidential material, the VP has put into motion a project to remove racist trees throughout the country, which, according to progressive values, is every last tree in the nation. The Sierra Club, in a historic departure from the bid to fight white supremacy, has filed suit to block the effort.
According to British periodical Foggy Weather Times, British TV show producer Ricky Gervais is contemplating a reboot of the Sky One show “An idiot abroad” with a focus on villages around the world. However, the star of the previous series, Karl Pilkington, is deeply involved with other projects. Gervais needs to find another idiot for his village project. Reliable, anonymous sources say Gervais has been seeking contact with the Biden Administration since anyone who’s a part of it would perfectly fit the bill.
That’s a wrap for today.
-- Political Pistachio Conservative News and Commentary
President Biden believes Russian President Putin doesn’t respect him. In order to send an unmistakable message to the world while one upping Putin, Biden took a photographer with him to the zoo and set up a shoot where the President stood in front of the glass at the lion enclosure with his shirt off. White house staff posted a picture of Biden standing tall with two male lions behind him all over social media. It had a faint mirror image of the photographer and secret service personnel.
Biden’s colonoscopy found a cache of dog whistles in his colon. Twitter exploded with speculation that the President was trying to blow one of them the times he gassed members of British Royalty along with associated British dignitaries, the Pope and Pennsylvania Governor Tom Wolf.
There’s a dance craze spreading among the President’s Executive Departments as well as his cabinet. One is the Psaki Dodge Dance, which is built around side stepping and spinning. The other is imported from California – the Gavin Newsom Media Tap Dance.
In a major bid to let small restaurants nationwide know the White House and Biden Administration sympathize with them during the current rip roaring economy, Biden and Harris salt and pepper shakers have been shipped to eateries all over the country. However, every last set has been proven to be defective. No matter how much salt is poured into the Biden shaker it is empty whenever customers try to use it. The Harris shaker keeps disappearing only to be found in obscure, out of the way places. In an experiment it stayed in place next to a Tabasco bottle as long as someone watched it, but vanished immediately whenever set next to the Mexican hot sauce Tapatio. There is speculation is it has something to do with the Mexican border.
When the President went to the Middle East to beg Salman bin Abdulaziz Al Saud, King of Saudi Arabia, to pump more oil in order to reduce prices in the United States, Biden bent forward to kiss the King’s hand. Looking around the room, the King motioned Biden to follow him to the back of the room. Looking around again, the King pulled a curtain for privacy. When the incident leaked out, Twitter went wild with speculation about what happened behind the curtain. The only verifiable facts since are the Saudis aren’t increasing production and Biden’s been walking funny ever since.
The White House has been objecting to a meme going around the internet which depicts President Biden with a Stalin mustache and wearing a t-shirt with a hammer and sickle print on the front with the lable “Uncle Joe” underneath, a back handed reference to President Franklin Roosevelt affectionately calling Soviet dictator Joseph Stalin “Uncle Joe” during WWII with the suggestion that President Biden is a communist dictator. Stalin was famous for political purges and dissident witch hunts of all kinds complete with show trials culminating in executions and imprisonment in the Gulag. Since the meme appeared, the White House has been in constant contact with Attorney General Merrick Garland and the FBI has enlarged its presence at the FISA Court.
In a move which proves that Kamala Harris is Presidential material, the VP has put into motion a project to remove racist trees throughout the country, which, according to progressive values, is every last tree in the nation. The Sierra Club, in a historic departure from the bid to fight white supremacy, has filed suit to block the effort.
According to British periodical Foggy Weather Times, British TV show producer Ricky Gervais is contemplating a reboot of the Sky One show “An idiot abroad” with a focus on villages around the world. However, the star of the previous series, Karl Pilkington, is deeply involved with other projects. Gervais needs to find another idiot for his village project. Reliable, anonymous sources say Gervais has been seeking contact with the Biden Administration since anyone who’s a part of it would perfectly fit the bill.
That’s a wrap for today.
-- Political Pistachio Conservative News and Commentary
Humor and absurdity is how I cope nowadays.
ReplyDeleteThe media driven bullshit blizzard of unbelievable, gaslighting, nonsensical projection
An emasculated Biden trying to outman Putin while sucking up to Xi.
The leftist obsession with "dog whistle" projection
The sheer amount of propagandist gaslighting coming from the administration.
The utter incompetence of Biden and Harris
Biden economically screwing us over by creating a fuel crisis, then himself getting screwed by opec while trying to push optics of "fixing" problems he created.
Biden pretending to further democracy while creating a tyrranical dictatorship.
The willful embecility of Harris.
The large collection of booger eating morons infesting the administration with more rats and snakes slithering around than one can shake a stick at.
I mock it because the serious is overwhelming
Allan
Allan