Obama’s FDA To Ban Doughnut Sprinkles

by JASmius



Alternate headline: "Homer Simpson wept".

I hope you all got stockings full of these little bits of processed, food-colored sugar, because by next Christmas, our doughnuts are going to be naked - if we're even still allowed to have doughnuts at all:

Although the amount of trans fats Americans consume has declined significantly in recent years, the FDA’s quest to completely eliminate a particular type of trans fat threatens to eliminate the noble “sprinkle,” used to decorate holiday treats and donuts. Even a small amount of joy is suspect in the FDA’s brave, new, food-monitored world.

In recent years, research has determined that consuming large amounts of trans fats is harmful to the heart. Trans fats have been in the American diet since the 1950s, but recent awareness of its health risks have pushed food companies and restaurants to minimize its use. Today, Americans consume just 1.3 grams of trans fats a day, around 0.6% of total caloric intake. No research has shown this level of consumption to pose any risk.

The proposed FDA action underscores the challenge of a permanent bureaucracy. Having succeeded in removing the risk that may arise from consuming large amounts of trans fats, the FDA extends its mission to eliminate even trace amounts, which may provide little in the way of improved health. Toxicity is determined by the dose, not the agent. Even water can kill if it is consumed in great quantities.

It's every bit the same as the excesses of the so-called "civil rights" and feminist movements: their original objectives were achieved, but they couldn't let their respective bureaucratic gravy trains come to a quiet end, so they keep pushing farther and farther into the excesses of tyrannical absurdity.  Ditto the EPA, which has already (if you'll pardon the inaccurate attribution, but I am going someplace with this) given us "clean water" and "clean air," and so has to keep scouring away "pollutants" to the vanishing point where the measurements are in parts per bazillion and the costs of said scouring have become bigger threats to the environment than what they're ostensibly supposed to scour.  And now, despite the fact that We, The People, "get it" about trans-fats - as do food manufacturers, who plaster "CONTAINS ZERO TRANS-FATS!!!" all over their packaging even if what they're selling is dog food - that's not good enough for the food Nazis of the Obama Regime.

As I've been saying for the past six years, the first industry these animals stamped out was the parody business, because there is no depth or height of hyperbole to which anybody can go that they won't meet and exceed it.  Although a part of my fertile brain is convinced that this is Scheherezade's revenge for the mass rejection of her school lunch despotism by school districts across the country (aka "The Hunger Games").

I've half-jokingly said that one of the things on my "bucket list" is to eat a bowlful of sprinkles.  Now, apparently, I've only got five days left to actually do it.

Exit question: Assuming that Barack Obama leaves in two years like he's constitutionally required to do, can you imagine the orgy of celebratory sprinkle-bingeing that is going to ensue?