Suicides due to Bullying

By Douglas V. Gibbs

The case of three Massachusetts teenagers bullying a 15-year-old girl who committed suicide is one of many similar instances that seems to be rising in our society. The main-extreme media claims it is because bullying has gotten worse. The bullies used to be kids that had low self-esteem, my psychologist wife claims, but now kids that should be confident in themselves are bullying too.

I disagree with my wife. I remember bullies, and "self-esteem" has nothing to do with it. Bullies are kids who decide to bully because they can - and until someone stands up to them and knocks them down a few notches, they continue.

Before I finally put up my dukes and defended myself, the bullies were a constant problem. I can remember as a twelve year old being knocked to the ground and beaten by half a dozen boys until they became board with kicking me, or felt that I had bled more than enough. Finally, I had my fill, and challenged one of them to a fight. The first fight was horrid. It was two hits. He hit me, and I hit the ground. Then I demanded a rematch, and though I didn't necessarily kick the other kid's butt, the fact that I stood toe to toe with him, and got a few hits in, convinced the bullies that I was no longer a soft target, and the bullying stopped.

Suicide never entered my mind. I knew what was at stake, and that only I could stop the problem by standing up to it. But now, in today's world, we are seeing an increase in the number of suicides that are said to have resulted from bullying.

Is the media sensationalizing it? Were the bullies not as difficult when we were that age? Are the bullies more fierce? Why weren't kids committing suicide before?

A number of factors seem to be at play here. When it comes to the bullies, we are in a society where discipline has gone from a good spanking, and a father that struck a healthy fear into his kids, to time-outs and a family with no dad, or a dad that is ineffective because either the wife disagrees with the disciplinary methods in front of the children (which neutralizes a father's effectiveness), or the father does not take the appropriate actions.

On the other end of the bullying problem, the "victims" of today's bullying society don't know how to defend themselves, or are afraid to.

I agree that kids ought to be taught to find a peaceful resolution if possible, but you can only turn the other cheek for so long. If bullies aren't confronted, as I did with mine, and are made to stop, the bullying will continue and it will get worse.

Unfortunately, the schools often side with the bullies and punish the bullied for daring to defend themselves. Such actions by the schools actually encourages more bullying. What's worse is that in our current society, thanks to the erroneous teachings of psychology, people are so worried about hurting a child's precious self-esteem that they coddle the child.

Kids today have been told how special they are, and they have taken it to the extreme, spending every waking moment believing they are so special that when a bully comes along and claims otherwise, and then beats the living snot out of the kid to drive home the point, it is too much for the child being bullied. The "special" ones are ill equipped to handle the stress of being on the receiving end of bullying, and their "I'm Special" world comes crashing down on them, and they don't understand why. The kid gets to the point, under the constant bullying, and no "you're special" reinforcement from the bullies, that they feel there is no escape. Their parents told them to not defend themselves, because violence is always bad, but here they are with violence being thrust upon them with no understanding on how, or if, to defend themselves. The school threatens them if they do decide to strike back, their crystal world of self-esteem has been shattered, and the bullying is getting worse. So they finally, under the weight of it all, come to only one conclusion in regards to how they can stop the madness - suicide.

In the end, these suicides are not the bully's fault, but ours. We have not disciplined our kids when they act like bullies, so they torment other kids. And we have not taught our kids how to defend themselves, or that the world can be cruel, so when they face such a dilemma, they don't know what to do.

And then when they cry out for help, dad is either not there, or is not willing to take the proper "manly" stance with his child, teaching them that the kids can be cruel, and showing them how to double up their fists and knock out the offending bully.

The bullying epidemic, and the suicides, are our fault for failing to act like parents.

-- Political Pistachio Conservative News and Commentary

3 teens plead innocent in bullying suicide case - Associated Press