Note: Headline composed with anything but a straight face:
An ObamaCare marketing campaign is being put on hold because the White House fears that a rush of customers to the hobbled HealthCare.gov website could crash the system.
<Uncontrollable, hysterical, nausea-inducing laughter>
"Early October was a frustrating experience for users," Palmieri said. "We are preparing for the outcome that we have as many or more visitors as we had on October 1st."
About 4.7 million people visited HealthCare.gov that first day, Obama administration officials told the Times.
Um, that was way, WAY back when people thought healthcare.gov would actually, you know, !#$%ing work. And when they didn't have to root around in dumpsters to obtain their Thanksgiving dinners in order to cope with the sticker shock.
Also....ObamaCare marketing campaign? Wouldn't they have more success marketing fourth-stage pancreatic cancer? Or a "Win a free eighteen holes with Barry!" contest?
According to the report, administration officials are encouraging Americans to use the site but are working to not create too much demand. HealthCare.gov is greatly improved, officials said, but they cautioned that it might not work well for everyone.
Ever heard of stilt races? No? There's a reason for that.
Ever heard of paraplegic stilt races? No? That's the mad, Black Friday-esque rush O fears.
"We are definitely on track to have a significantly different user experience by the end of the month," Health and Human Services Secretary Kathleen Sebelius told state and local elected officials in a conference call on Tuesday, the Times reported.
What "experience" would that be? A free lapdance with each ^&*+ty ObamaCare policy? Or being redirected to a site to watch a video of Sebelius skinning a fresh litter of Dalmatian puppies?
Here's your punchline of the day:
The report strikes another blow to beleaguered HealthCare.gov, the main ObamaCare website that serves thirty-six states that do not have their own insurance exchanges.
The site has been shut down to address technology issues, and HealthCare.gov crashed last week during a visit by Sebelius to a hospital in Miami.
In addition, Americans continue to have accessibility problems with the website.
The report also came on the same day the Obama administration announced a one-year delay for small businesses to purchase healthcare plans via HealthCare.gov.
These assholes are taking all the fun out of being a prophet.
Oh, and I - what's their term? - "misspoke" above; this is today's punchline:
To ease pressure on HealthCare.gov, Americans can expect to find a "waiting room" for times when the site is operating slowly, the Times reported.
A better metaphor for this perpetuitous fustercluck, even I can't possibly imagine.