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Tuesday, September 08, 2015

Hillary Clinton's Autumn Campaign Of Mandatory Joy & Planned Spontaneity

by JASmius

With her Emailgate shenanigans consuming her campaign like a virulent attack of mutant alien flesh-eating bacteria, is La Clinton Nostra really, seriously describing their next attempt to haul Herself's gigantic caboose out of the electoral ditch - and I swear I'm not making this up - a "reboot"?

Sweet merciful crap, the Clintonoids have to be the greatest accidental comedians walking the surface of this planet.  And the look to be preparing a high-octane world tour in the very near future:

There will be no more flip jokes about her private email server. There will be no rope lines to wall off crowds, which added to an impression of aloofness. And there will be new efforts to bring spontaneity to a candidacy that sometimes seems wooden and overly cautious. …

Planned spontaneity, in other words.  Because obviously the spontaneous spontaneity was a disaster since it (further) exposed how wooden and overly cautious she really is.  But if they reprogram her to fake genuineness, everything will work out fabulously.

In extensive interviews by telephone and at their Brooklyn headquarters last week, Mrs. Clinton’s strategists acknowledged missteps — such as their slow response to questions about her email practices — and promised that this fall the public would see the sides of Mrs. Clinton that are often obscured by the noise and distractions of modern campaigning.

Let me see if I can translate this: "This fall the public will see the sides of Mrs. Clinton we are fabricating right now that are often obscured by her true abrasively abhorrent personality and vile character that keep erupting to the surface by her inability to obscure them."

That woman has more sides than a Chris Christie buffet trailer, doesn't she?

They want to show her humor. The self-effacing kind (“The hair is real, the color isn’t,” she said of her blond bob recently, taking note of Mr. Trump) has played better than her sarcastic retorts, such as when she asked if wiping a computer server was done “with a cloth.”

As Mr. Spock once said - will say - "a difference which makes no difference, IS no difference."  Somebody should ask her if she applies her hair dye with her cloth, since the color changes almost as frequently as her Emailgate excuses.

After an appearance yesterday with New Hampshire Donk Senator Jeanne Shaheen, and almost as if she belatedly remembered her new "happy" persona, Mrs. Clinton threw her arms up in the air (no word on if there was any collateral damage to onlookers from what my Grandma Lora used to refer to as "flabola") upon fleeing the podium and blurtingly exclaimed, "And off we go!  JOYFULLY!!!"  Whereas Senator Shaheen, after picking herself up off the pavement to which Her Nib's loose triceps smacked her, departed painfully for the nearest medical treatment facility, probably with a concussion.

Juuuuuust kidding.  Hey, we're all supposed to have fun, now, right?  It's not like it won't be federally mandated, after all.

No, really:

The punch-lines write themselves on this one, and that’s exactly what’s happening. Hillary Clinton, soon to announce her candidacy for president, spoke last night before the American Camp Association in New Jersey. In an effort to try to connect with her audience, she said, “We really need to have camps for adults. . . . None of the serious stuff. None of the life challenge stuff. More fun. I think we have a huge ‘fun deficit’ in America.”

So [Mrs] Clinton hands over to us all to consider the idea of a [communist] sending adults to camps, and the idea of a politician infamous for being humorless and suspicious being an arbiter of “fun,” wrapped in a great big bow.

See what I mean?  If her handlers want Hillary to get over as a standup comedian, they should be telling her to seriously lay out her policy agenda.  Not only will the American people laugh themselves into convulsions, but the amount of exercise they'll engage in by doing so will be a great anti-obesity remedy.

And remember, folks. that oblivious gaffe was six months ago.  Which means that their "reboots" have already gone into reruns.

Here's a sneak preview of the laugh riots to come:

Democrat presidential candidate Hillary Clinton is calling on companies to be required to disclose their political donations and for the creation of a donation-matching program intended to boost the influence of small donors’ giving.

In campaign finance proposals released Tuesday that build on [Mrs.] Clinton’s desire to [shamelessly pander to the Extreme Left by relentlessly bashing] the Supreme Court’s 2010 Citizens United ruling [that partially restored the First Amendment's free speech protections], her campaign says that she would push for federal legislation demanding more “effective” disclosure of political spending and urge the Securities and Exchange Commission to require publicly traded companies to disclose all political spending to their shareholders.

“We have to end the flood of secret, unaccountable money that is distorting our elections, corrupting our political system and drowning out the voices of too many everyday Americans,” [Mrs.] Clinton said in a statement ahead of the campaign’s formal rollout, which will include a web video.

And note: all said with a stone-straight face.  Unlike even the denizens at MSNBC:

See?  The old puffgut is off to a great start already.

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