Quote of the day, folks:
"Hillary Clinton embraces abortion on demand in all circumstances up until the moment of birth. Partial-birth abortion with taxpayer funding, with no notification for parents in any circumstances -- 91% of Americans say that's nuts. So what do they do, they try to shift it. The war on women wasn't that, it was contraceptives. Now listen, I have been a conservative my entire life. I have never met anybody, any conservative who wants to ban contraceptives.
"As I noted, Heidi and I, we have two little girls. I'm very glad we don't have seventeen. And it's a great example when the war on women came up, Republicans would curl up in a ball, they'd say, 'Don't hurt me.' Jiminy Cricket!
"Last I checked we don't have a rubber shortage in America. When I was in college we had a machine in the bathroom, you put fifty cents in and voila! So yes, anyone who wants contraceptives can access them, but it's an utterly made-up nonsense issue.
"Imagine for a second you're Hillary Clinton. "You're trying to think, 'How do I run?' Well you can't run on the economy because we have the lowest percentage of Americans working any year since 1977. You can't run on ObamaCare because millions of people have lost their jobs, lost their health care, lost their doctors, seen their premiums skyrocket. You certainly can't run on foreign policy because every country you touched as secretary of state is a disaster."
"So what do you do? You go, 'Ah, ha! Condom police. I'm gonna make up a completely made-up threat and try to scare a bunch of folks into thinking someone's going to steal their birth control. "What nonsense." [emphasis added]
You see? THAT's what Ben Carson should have said.
UPDATE: To be fair and balanced, here's Senator Cruz furtively ducking a question on what constitutes amnesty:
Nothing like eye-averting "straight talk," is there, Cruzers?
That was almost as gut-busting as his "condom police" bit.