This man should be the Republican presidential nominee. But we live on Incontinent Bizarro World....
....so that didn't happen.
But can the last conservative standing take his State's Republican primary? In the immortal words of Bugs Bunny, "Mnnyeah, could be":
As....Republicans look for ways to slow Donald Trump’s relentless march toward the party’s presidential nomination, Wisconsin’s [sort of] winner-take-all GOP primary contest on April 5th offers some intriguing possibilities. In a Statewide Emerson College poll released today, Texas Senator Ted Cruz is not only leading Trump 36% to 35% in the upcoming primary, but Cruz is only trailing Hillary Clinton by one point in a hypothetical general election match-up, 46% to 45%. In contrast, Trump is trailing both [Mrs.] Clinton and her Democrat rival, Bernie Sanders, by the same nine-point margin of 47% to 38% in a potential general election match-up. [emphasis added]
Just to provide some historical perspective, Wisconsin hasn't "gone red" in a presidential election since Ronald Reagan's two landslides over thirty years ago. President Bush43 came agonizingly close - 0.2% and 0.4%, respectively - in his two victories, while Mitt Romney under-performed, losing to Red Barry by a big, fat seven points.
And now here's evidence that Ted Cruz could flip the Badger State in November, while Donald "25/69 favorability" Trump is an electoral disaster waiting to happen. Will Walk's minions actually pay attention to what should be gapingly obvious?
There would be more hope for that green shoot of sanity in this vast primary season wasteland if John F'ing Kasich weren't still in the goddamn race:
Kasich falls far off the pace in Wisconsin with only 19% of the vote. According to Emerson’s data, he’s pulling more of that vote away from Cruz than Trump, as Cruz has higher favorability than Trump among Kasich voters, 36/27. If Wisconsin came down to a two-person race, Cruz [would] lead outside the margin of error. Trump might still win delegates by winning in one or more congressional districts, but Cruz would win the Statewide delegates and other congressional districts to boost his status in the delegate chase. If the polling from Emerson is accurate, Kasich probably can’t win a single delegate. [emphases added]
Just as he, even mathematically, can't win the GOP nomination. And yet he persists, not because he's trying to win, but because he's trying to bugger Senator Cruz on behalf of his pompadoured master, even though he has as much of a chance of winning in November as John Kasich does of capturing the Republican nomination now. Which makes the obnoxious RINO Ohio governor as big a fool as Chris Christie, Ben Carson, and the 7,811,245 "Republicans" who have voted for the New York liberal conman.
Kasich, happily, wasn't successful in his spoiler efforts in Utah the other day, but he's clearly having that impact in a State that was thought to be another Trump runaway, and in which he's now playing keepaway against the the only viable and genuine Republican still standing. If the governor had any party loyalty, leadership qualities, or personal honor - like his Wisconsin counterpart - he would quit now, endorse Senator Cruz, and go home, as even Jeb Bush forced himself to do yesterday.
And if he were taller, he might not so closely resemble Trump's mini-me....
Seriously, Kasich's enough of a midget to do guest shots on Big Bang Theory as Leonard Hofstadter's creepy uncle.
UPDATE: Another day, another national poll showing Ted Cruz beating Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump eating her dust:
Fresh polling from Fox News confirms an emerging trend: While his GOP rivals poll competitively or ahead of presumptive Democrat nominee Hillary Clinton, Donald Trump consistently trails her by a substantial margin. The new national survey shows....Texas Senator Ted Cruz edging the former [Commissar] of State by three points (47/44). By contrast, controversial real estate tycoon Donald Trump trails [Mrs.] Clinton by eleven points (38/49). Roughly half of registered voters say they'd be "scared" Trump wins the White House. He is the only candidate in whom a majority of voters lack confidence to fill the current Supreme Court vacancy, and he even manages to score worse on honesty and trustworthiness (-32) than habitual liar Hillary Clinton (-30). Ironically, Ted Cruz, whom Trump taunts as "lyin' Ted," scores a (+2) on this metric. Here's a look at each candidate's standing on overall favorability among registered voters: [emphases added]
But don't look at any of this, Trumplicans, just keep looking into this wise, calm, mature, responsible, rational face.....
What's he doing in this pic, trying to cough up a cardigan?
UPDATE II: I am so f**king tired of this shit:
In case you missed it, Heidi Cruz has battled clinical depression over the past decade. Also, Ted Cruz unequivocally condemned Make America Awesome PAC's Melania Trump skin ad, which even slavering Trumplican flack Sean Hannity had the balls and integrity to publicly acknowledge.
Benefit of the doubt? How about a punch in the mouth?
Senator Cruz struck such a, yes, classy contrast as to persuasively argue that he and Trump aren't even from the same species:
"Aaaaaaaaand F you."
You know the old saying, Trumplicans: You jump in bed with a scumbag, you don't "come" back from "Vietnam".
UPDATE: Please, Dr. Carson, stop. Just stop. Go home. Your self-debasement is reaching such depths that to accurately describe it would require the use of verbiage that I would really prefer to leave on the etymological shelf. For the love of God, cut it out.
Brutal, just brutal. Isn't there a mercy rule we can bring into play here? And why the hell doesn't Gentle Ben invoke it? Oh, that's right, his willingness to be corrupted brought this torture on himself. I guess he's richly earned it. But that doesn't make it any less pathetic to witness.