Two nights ago my wife's sister gave birth to a healthy, seven pound baby girl. It is her second child. Tonight I attended a family gathering and while I was there the discussion led to the statement being made that "Children bring families together." To everyone's dismay, I replied, "Not necessarily."
Don't get me wrong. Children are wonderful blessings, and if a couple responds to the call of their new family and actively act with responsibility in relation to their roles, the unity of a family is an amazing and wonderful experience. As I have told many before their children were born, the love you have for your child is a unique love, one that can never be explained and is only understood by parents. It is the kind of love that is so strong that it hurts inside. And no matter how old your child becomes, your love remains consistent. This is one of the reasons I have so much difficulty understanding why a mother would be willing to terminate the life of her young through abortion.
Being a parent, however, requires a great amount of patience and responsibility, and sometimes can place a strain on a relationship. In these cases, I believe a child can actually not necessarily bring a family together. Of course this is rarely the case.
It is amazing how much love and devotion you put into your children, and a household full of love, limitations, and strong values increases the odds that a child will wind up a good, productive citizen; but it doesn't guarantee it. I can't count how many times I've seen good children come from screwed up homes, and wonderful homes put out some strange children.
Anyhow, as a parent, this is the way I see parenting. First of all I believe that a parent ought to see their child as God sees them - as a gift or reward - not as an interruption or mistake or tax break. A parent ought to understand that the child needs, during certain times in their lives, for the parent to be playful. That's right, I truly think that it is important for a parent to rediscover play and do the things with their child as the child does them. Enjoy walking barefoot through the grass, and getting down and playing with them when they are younger. This leads to the need for a parent to physically express their love. Playing with the children shows this, as well as hugging, kisses on the cheek, tickling, etc. A child's emotional security depends heavily upon a strong and healthy love bond.
Giving your child direct eye contact shows your child that you care, and being a good listener is just as important, even if he or she is about to tell you the same story the hundredth time. Being a good listener involves the eyes, ears, mind and heart - and do it kneeling down to their level so that you may be eye to eye. This leads to spending quality time with your child - regular, consistent time.
Will these things ensure that your child will grow up to be an angel? Not really, but the odds that you will build a strong foundation in your child that they will return to time and time again when life gets difficult goes up. I admit that when I was younger I made my mistakes, but with all of the trial and error, I have found that these things I have mentioned are critical in raising children. If my sister-in-law ever asks for advice, that is what I will tell her.
God Bless, and be safe.
Post began at Ox. . . After Dark.
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