No, I wasn't a guest, but now that I have been a guest on Sirius Satellite Radio, and my writings are appearing on American Daily Review, Canada Free Press and in print in the Central Idaho Post, I am sure it won't be long before nationwide terrestrial talkshow hosts decide to have me on their shows.
However, I was on the Michael Medved Show near the end of the program yesterday afternoon.
A caller on Michael's show named Mitch called in to comment on Medved's commentary regarding traditional marriage. Mitch proclaimed that heterosexuals can't even get marriage right, and after ten years of a marriage from Hell, he divorced his wife and has never enjoyed his life more. The caller told the radio listening audience that he warns his friends about marriage, saying that when the woman puts on that wedding ring, she changes. Marriage was about a loss of freedom, for him. He could no longer hang out with his friends, go out drinking, party, and such. She demanded he do things, and if he wished to do an errand later because a football game was on, that wasn't good enough for her, and she demanded he do what she said right away. Marriage was a prison for Mitch, and it was definitely not for him.
Now, Mitch boasted, he does what he wants, when he wants, and is having more fun now than he did when married - and he is having sex with a lot of women too, a lot more sex than he ever got from his wife.
As I was listening to this conversation, I recognized the "Mitch" in me, and in all of us. I was Mitch for the first twenty years of my marriage, and my wife was Mitch during that time as well. We were both selfish, self serving, prideful, narcissistic, and every other damning label you can attach. In short, we were fighting 24/7 over trivial things that basically boiled down to us wanting to get our own way.
I called the Michael Medved Show to voice how I felt. When I came on the air I told Michael that I have been married for almost 25 years, and I understand how Mitch feels because I was Mitch for the first 20 years of my marriage. Our marriage did not get better until I changed my attitude, and began to "give" to my wife.
Medved asked me if a religious experience was a part of this change. I responded, "Kind of. My wife became born again, however, after our marriage changed for the better."
Michael was surprised by that response, saying that normally these kinds of changes in marriages happen when the couple finds God, or what not. I was unable to explain the details about how our marriage became one that I have always wished for, and then after we began to see eye to eye, my wife began to ask if she could go to church with me, and how she later accepted Christ as her personal savior, thus bettering our marriage even more.
I was asked, at that point, what the event in our lives was that caused this change in my marriage.
"In 1996," I told Michael Medved, "my wife and I separated for 13 months. During that time period I lived out the life Mitch claims to have. It was fun. I came and went when I wanted, went out with my friends, hung out with a large number of women. In hindsight I realize that what I was learning was that no woman can love me like my wife. Understand, we didn't separate because we don't love each other, but because the stress of the relationship was becoming unbearable.
"After filing for Divorce, my wife and I wound up in mediation. During the mediation session we were poison to each other with our language. When asked why I deserved custody of the children I proclaimed she was a bad mother, even though he wasn't, and said every hurtful thing I could think of."
It is amazing how cruel unbridled anger can be.
"When the mediator asked my wife for her response, she stood up, looked the mediator in the eye, and said, 'All I know is that I want my husband back.'"
Michael Medved asked me if I had a tear in my eye at that point. I responded, "My heart leaped into my throat. I moved back in that night, and swore to grow personally. I began to focus on my growth, and in the meantime to become my wife's servant. Every decision I made was in her interest. I did everything for her. I put her first. And as time passed, she began to do the same for me. Now, we have a marriage most people can only dream of having."
The lesson is that to get what you want, sometimes you have to stop trying to get it, and give back first instead. In the case of my marriage, this attitude gave way to a marriage that is void of arguing, and a marriage in which my wife and I truly enjoy being with each other. All because we have decided to be servants to each other.
Deciding to stop the pursuit of Mitch's selfishness opened the jail doors, and made me free - and my marriage with my wife became great as a result.
-- Political Pistachio Conservative News and Commentary
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