The Rover Vote

by JASmius



So animals should be made "citizens," argues a piece at vox.com, just like illegal aliens.  It's not hard to see why they think so.  But see if you can spot the obvious counter-proposal before you reach the end of the post:

What if domestic animals – pets such as dogs and cats as well livestock like cows and chickens – were granted citizenship rights? That may sound like a crazy question, but Canadian philosopher Will Kymlicka thinks it’s a critically important one.

Kymlicka, a professor at Queen’s University, is a well-regarded figure in modern political philosophy. He’s also the author, along with writer Sue Donaldson, of Zoopolis, a book making the case for animal citizenship. Their basic premise is simple: animals are already part of our society, as pets and work animals, therefore we should formally recognize them as such.

First off, I admit that this is a bit more frivolous of a story than those on which I usually comment.  It's actually right in Rush Limbaugh's wheelhouse, and would have made a prime, choice addition to this site's proprietor's old "Nuts & Nuggets" radio segment.  Even Ezra Klein's site has to preface it with a virtual disclaimer lede acknowledging its rank silliness.

But again, you can see the scheming thought process behind it.  Make all animals "citizens," and what do you get?  Instant mandatory veganism - Michelle Obama's food Nazism wet dream come true.  And, of course, since citizenship carries with it the franchise, all animals would get to vote, and, naturally, they would need "help" with the exercise of that function.  And guess who would do the "helping"?  "Public servants" of the same worldview as "Professor" Kymlicka, of course.  If you thought illegal aliens voted lopsidedly Democrat, wait 'till you see how the barnyard casts its ballots.

Okay, that's about as much riffing as I can wring out of this lunacy.  Here's the counter-proposal: We'll consider extending citizenship to critters (We won't, but we'll say we will) when the other side extends citizenship to unborn human children.  'k?

If that doesn't keep S'Mores The Wonder Kitty out of the voting booth - well, that and the sound of cat food hitting her supper dish - nothing will.