Remember that George Carlin bit from his A Place For My Stuff album the punchline of which was, "Here, Dave, eat this before I give it to an animal"?
Well, here you go:
There’s one group of young eaters who like Michelle Obama’s school lunch program: pigs.
New Mexico’s Galloping Grace Youth Ranch is accepting fruits and vegetables thrown away by students at several elementary schools in the Rio Rancho area and collects some five tons per week.
“It’s really whatever they don’t eat coming off of their trays, so when they get up to the trash cans they will scrape it into one of our buckets that we pick up on a daily basis,” ranch CEO Max Wade tells KRQE.
Speaking of the pigs, goats and chickens gobbling up the students’ castaways, Wade says, “If you think about it, it’s a fresh salad bar every day. Fruits and vegetables and they love it.”
To underscore the point, he’s talking about the farm animals, not the school children.
Well, I suppose starving school children is a way to combat childhood obesity. And this way, the kids don't have to eat Scheherezade's slop and the swine and billygoats receive a daily banquet. Or what is known as a win-win proposition.
The Galloping Grace Youth Ranch is far from the only beneficiary, as you might imagine:
The Nebraska Farmers Union was working to partner with Lincoln-area schools to collect discarded food to fuel a worm farm, known as vermiculture.
“Composting gives them more hands-on experience. They can see how their waste is going to be turned into a useful product rather than going into a landfill,” says Brittney Albin, interim recycling coordinator at Lincoln Public Schools.
She says she isn’t sure how much of the 11,600 pounds of food waste per month come from the cafeteria.
“However, food waste does make up a large portion of the school waste, so we would expect the vermicomposting program to make a big dent in that number,” Albin tells the Journal Star.
Some 3,000 pigs at a Rhode Island hog farm scarf up uneaten fruits and vegetables, too.
The pigs are enjoying “half-eaten tuna sandwiches and other food scraps students discard during their lunch periods” as part of a new recycling program established by the town of Cumberland, according to WoonsocketCall.com.
Two Rhode Island districts – North Smithfield and Burrillville – that are sending their scraps to My Blue Heaven Farm. Both districts are participants in the National School Lunch Program, which is implementing the hated federal lunch rules.
Now this is not to say that school kids never threw away any lunch items before Michelle Obama became the national food fuhrer. I vividly recall how every one of my grade school classmates absolutely loathed peas, for example. In fact, I remember one instance where a teacher became so obsessed with forcing one girl to eat her peas that he was practically putting her in a headlock while simultaneously prying open her mouth to shove the green vegetable paste down her gullet.
He was unsuccessful, needless to say.
What I also recollect is that once my class arrived in junior high school (what's known as "middle school" today), we were given the lunch option, in addition to brown-bagging it, of buying either the standard school lunch or a burger and fries. You could call it "lunch choice" - something that school children today are most definitely not given, aside from throwing away the tasteless glop FLOTUS insists they consume and which she never has, never does, and never will....
The obvious next step is to take away all garbage and recycling receptacles and require teachers to put school children in headlocks while simultaneously prying their mouths open and shoving ObamaLunches down their gullets. Because does this look like a woman....
....who will tolerate gastronomic "treason"?
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