"Captain Buzz" The Next Global Pandemic?

by JASmius



We had "Captain Trips" in Stephen King's The Stand, an artificially engineered, shifting-antigen superflu with near total communicability and morbidity that wiped out 99+% of humanity.  We had real-life scares from "Captain Chirps" (H1N1 bird flu) and "Captain Oinks" (H1N5 swine flu) and SARS and MERS and, despite the Obama Regime's best efforts to spread it across America, the 2014 Ebola strain.

Will the Zika virus (aka "Captain Buzz") finally do the trick and wipe us all out?:

The mosquito-borne Zika virus, which is suspected of causing brain damage to babies in Brazil, is expected to spread to all countries in the Americas except for Canada and Chile, the World Health Organization said on Monday.

Well, now, those are two almost entirely dissimilar exceptions, other than that their names both start with the letter "c".  What's so special about Canada and Chile that they'd be immune from this virus?  Are there really no mosquitoes in either country?  'Cause I don't think that's accurate.

The WHO said women planning to travel to areas where Zika is circulating should consult a healthcare provider before traveling and on return. Zika can be transmitted though blood, and has also been isolated in human semen, but more evidence is needed to confirm if it can be sexually transmitted, WHO said. [emphasis added]

There's no blood and semen in Canada and Chile, either?  I'm guessing dates are hard to come by in those two countries.  And it would explain why the Great White North is so comparatively depopulated.  And here I thought it was all the mosquitoes.

But why just North and South America?  Why wouldn't Zima spread across the entire planet?  Sure, it'll take longer if it can't be spread by sneezes, coughing, handshakes, etc., but I'm pretty sure that blood and semen are fairly common worldwide.

This much, at least, we know for certain: This'll make a great excuse for King Hussein to issue an imperial decree mandating universal condom usage, including in new, unheard of ways derived from alien technology.  Just like the virus itself, probably.  I know I can't wait to see it.