Today marks twenty five years of marriage for my wife and I. We will celebrate the event with a picnic on the beach (with our youngest grandson in attendance, more than likely), and a movie in the afternoon after our daughter gets home and can take back the duties of her baby for the evening.
A simple date for a simple couple.
Often, I am asked about our marriage's longevity. After all, in today's society, it is rare for a marriage to last very long at all, especially one like ours. We are high school sweethearts, and the marriage between a pair of people too young to fully understand what they are about to embark on rarely lasts longer than their adjustment into the world of adulthood.
We met when she was a senior, and I was a mere junior, at a Halloween Party where she was dressed up as a cheerleader, and I as Alfalfa from the Our Gang/Little Rascals television program. It was love at first sight. We experienced our first kiss that evening, and our lives were changed forever.
Our marriage began sooner than I had hoped a couple years later, thanks to a pregnancy that resulted from our all too eager examination of the art of love. I decided to man-up and be the responsible man I thought I should be, forgoing many opportunities that were awaiting me on a silver platter. After a run-in with a college system that was intent on protecting the free speech of Leftism, and silencing any who dares to disagree, I was more than happy to set aside college for a later time in my life, and to enlist in the United States Navy. Seemed reasonable, anyway, because military was already one of my possible career paths. I had already talked to recruiters while I was still in high school, though at that time I had been seriously considering the United States Marine Corps. The military was destined to have me in their ranks, nonetheless, and in 1984, a week after marriage, I was off to boot camp.
The first twenty years of marriage was hardly a picnic. Like any young couple, we fought like cats and dogs. We battled for position, always trying to benefit from the arrangement more than the other. Our young minds failed to recognize that consequences for our actions were something that would need to be paid. Instead, we each assumed we were faultless, and that if either of us did have to pay a consequence, it was someone else's fault, and most probably the fault of our partner in the marriage. In short, the first twenty years of our marriage contained the word "me" than any other, and for that, we suffered years of a difficult relationship.
Under the stress of marital battles I finally threw up my hands in late 1995, and walked out. I didn't feel like I was happy. From day one our marriage had been a battlefield. She wouldn't listen to me, as far as I was concerned, and she only thought of herself.
For thirteen months I remained away, filing for divorce at one point. Then, while in family law mediation, after I spewed out my venom on why I deserved custody of the children, my wife stood up to give her side of the story. She looked the mediator in the eye, and said, "All I know is I want my husband back."
My heart ached in ways I didn't think it could. I did not leave her because I didn't love her anymore. I had left because I felt like she didn't love me anymore. Her proclamation in that mediation session changed things. It told me that she still loved me, and was willing to work with me. That night we had a piece of pie at a local bakery, went to the show, and packed my things so that I could come home.
Shortly after, Dad gave me a piece of advice that helped launch the next chapter of our marriage. He said to me, "She may, or may not, have been the right person to marry when you said those vows, but the moment you said 'I do' she became the right woman in the eyes of God. Marriage is a contract you make with God, as well as with your wife. So, you must do what you can to honor that contract. Focus on your growth. Go to church, with or without her, and put your marriage in His hands. As you grow, one of two things will happen. Either, she will grow with you, or you will leave her in your dust, and she will take what she believes to be appropriate actions. Give selflessly to her, and she will give back. Be the man that God wants you to be."
I dove into The Word, and returned to a habit of regular attendance at Harvest Christian Fellowship in Riverside, California. I began to also be a part of the annual Harvest Crusades at Angels Stadium. A daily devotional called "Streams in the Desert" served as a morning reminder, and inspiration.
During this time, my non-Christian wife would stand in the doorway to block my departure to church, or accuse me by saying, "You just want to go to church so that you can look like some good, righteous man. I know what you are really about. You are fooling no one."
My responses were often filled with a request that she join me at church, of which she continuously balked. I went to church anyway, well knowing that her anger may possibly be the sign of a guilt-ridden human nature fighting against her rapidly softening heart.
One morning, without warning, she got up with me and went to church. Shortly after, she gave her life up to the Lord, placing all that she is in His hands.
That was about five years ago, and that is really when our marriage truly began.
We have become servants to each other, placing the other's needs before our own. In return, the other gives as well. Our relationship has nearly eliminated all arguments, and our outlook on life is from a Godly point of view. Now, as economic stress strikes home, we do all we can to make ends meet. We have placed our marriage in Christ's hands, knowing that as we provide for ourselves, He will also provide.
A quarter of a century has passed since we made the vow of marriage to each other, and the storms of life weaved in and out of our troubled relationship during those years. The waves crashed on us, the winds howled, and the boat rocked. We battled each other for years, and the storms became nearly unbearable. We had forgotten that Jesus is on that boat with us, only asking that we have faith. He never promised our trip would be a smooth ride, but He did promise to get us to the other side, and to carry us when our lives were most troublesome, and we were at wit's end.
What is the secret to a long marriage? I suppose it varies from couple to couple. For us, it has been the realization that we are not in this marriage for ourselves, but for each other. It is our responsibility to serve each other, and to love each other as the Lord loves us. In His hands, we are secure, and are looking forward to the next 25 years.
-- Political Pistachio Conservative News and Commentary
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